Love and companionship is a human need for everyone. But when it comes to our modern world, dating can be hard to navigate, perhaps even more so for those in their retirement years. At this life stage, dating culture may look incredibly different from the last time you dated if you are re-entering the dating pool after a divorce or loss of a partner. Or perhaps you've never found that special someone, which presents its own set of challenges.
Despite obstacles in seeking partnership, Victoria dating coach Tamara Del Elis sees first-hand the joy that finding love can bring and has seen success stories at all ages. Recently, an 86-year-old client living in a retirement community and looking for a partner to explore the world with found a happy ending to his search.
"They are now planning their first trip together. It took some months of bold action to find his match, but I'm sure he would tell you it was well worth the wait!" she says.
When it comes to dating, people over 60 often have similar challenges, says Del Elis: not looking to repeat mistakes of the past, skepticism that the right person is out there and worry that "all the good ones are taken".
"This belief could not be further from the truth," she tells her clients. "There are so many incredible, beautiful people in this world, just like you, looking for love."
But finding someone will take some work, she says.
"You must also allow yourself to be found. Leave your house often, join a club, offer your time as a volunteer, join a spiritual community. My life motto is 'life rewards boldness.'"
One way to approach dating is online, which is becoming increasingly popular with all ages. Around 20 per cent of adults ages 50 to 64, and 13 per cent of adults 65 and older, have used a dating app in 2023, says Pew Research Centre.
While online dating may not be for everyone, Del Elis sees it as a great tool to have in your pocket. However, she recommends approaching apps with "parameters and discipline". These apps are designed to be addictive, she warns, so to avoid burnout and being overwhelmed by the number of potential matches, it can be a good idea to set specific times to log on for the week.
It's also important to choose the right platform – one that focuses on safety and ease of use. Popular apps for this age group include Plenty of Fish, Bumble, Match and Silver Singles.
And speaking of safety: if a match seems too good to be true, "they often are".
"Catfishing (creating a fake identity to deceive others) is becoming more and more common. Anyone who is requesting unrelated personal information or money is someone to immediately cut off from communication."
Set up a video or phone call before meeting for a date to get a better sense of your gut feeling before meeting someone, Del Elis suggests.
Aside from online dating, other ways to meet people can include Meetups (Meetup is an online platform that connects people to communities that might interest them), legion dances, attending classes or going to concerts.
No matter your approach, the possibilities of what you will find are only limited to what you can dream. Del Elis points out there are no longer relationship rules as there once was.
"Every couple can create their own culture. Some couples travel part of the year together and live separately and then there are couples that meet for dinner on Saturday nights."
And now for the hardest part: one of the biggest fears to overcome in dating is the fear of rejection.
Del Elis recommends taking opportunities for social interaction wherever you can in your daily life, whether that be sharing compliments or asking questions.
"Taking small steps will better equip you for dates and who knows who you may meet along the way?"
Whenever we share our authentic self with others, rejection is something we risk, she adds. But it's important to not let that stop someone from pursuing something that could ultimately make them happy.
"I believe it is well worth the price. There is no greater reward in this human experience than loving and being loved."
This article is from Living 60+.
